Flat-out rejection letter regarding grad school.
Cat ran away (was found ~30 hrs later)
Reunion after a month of not seeing Chels. I'm horrible at the Thursday NYT crossword (but great at drinking pumpkin lattes).
Had a mouse in my house-killed by Finn but had to deal with the remains
Taking a "break" from one of my closest friends...and I fear I have caused pain/am to blame.
Getting jerked around/lied to/mislead again
Have come to terms with the fact that I'm injured and will not be running the marathon.
What a week.


I'm off today and I need to use it to get little things done that have piled up. The little things can be so dangerous.
Will enjoy some yoga later with Mon, and then Monday night Shorts.
L

When I feel like I do tonight (anxious, sad, nostalgic, freaked out that no one loves me and never will), I listen to this song on repeat as I fall asleep, and feel like someday I will again have love.

Talking Lacuna Inc like it's 2009, but a whole year has passed. Why is this an issue for you now?
Watching Dexter and someone has a razor phone. All that reminds me of is the summer you got a phone that rings, you lost it, chacos, and my rain jacket on a canoe trip. Hands shaking reading texts in the staff bathroom. Hot tub. Softball. Heart racing. Life ending.

constant reminders of how i constantly disappointed you.

Manual labor project today...time for my overly caffeinated brain to compose a letter to you. Thinking of all the people in my life who would've adored you/who you would find amusing...

I have this whole new family
& I'm in love with each of them
& I'm on this list called lucky
whenever I'm in reach of them

I'm also at this place now where I can offer all I was constantly nagged about. Home, job, empty uterus, extra bedroom. Instead I am invested in my friends, can't get enough family (including baby!) time, and I buy myself lots of fun toys.

Life's like that.
I guess we both have what we need. And I never even knew it would look like this.
L

Feel like "i don't know you" has been reality for quite some time now.

*Waking sweaty from dreams where Dickman/Dan Hanlon (morphed into one?) went on a shooting spree. And I am in band again...digging through the sheet music and I can't find the clarinet I part.*

Georgia/Portland. Leave me. Only ones who aren't going anywhere are solely here for school. Joys of college town. Contingent connections.
And I am tied here for 2 more years. Trying to coincide that with 30 months of grad school. Fight or flight. Learn or leave.

Blueberry iced tea. Light reading. Minimal clothing. Effortless morning.
Need more than 2 days off and need it soooon.
Realizing now that you started the trend of leaving Lo for trashy Taylors. Most recently to the tune of Nascar...

It's true what they say about Ass-u-me-ing things.
Lack of prof pic presence doesn't necessarily indicate lack of real life/DSM/presence
Inquisition about the type of glasses someone wears when I've seen her once (to put it ever so lightly), "in passing".
And the twin connection is eerily strong. What happens here, mirrored there.
Ah well. Scooter radio. Postcards from Bear. Roomie loving.
So it goes.
A year of demagnetization. 2 weeks from complete separation.
L

BIX:
-9 seconds?! Ugh.
In such better shape, maybe not by the numbers, but definitely as a runner...
(In the past 8 weeks: 20K, 8K, 7 miles; next up 26.2! )
Red Whitey's popsicle. Red band. Desensitization (minus familiarity with streets/purple obama tuna can plus AZ plates). Baby Bry. And I-80W real fast with EmmyG on the line, just like old times.

Then Skype date with my loves in Chi-town. Baby shoes! Parental smiles.
Configuration of new iPod to replace one dropped during last Chi visit.
New roomie brought by many little boxes, which makes it "real".
Try and ultimately fail Wednesday's crossword AND Sudoku both. I'm worried for my brain.

Now: tying up loose ends on household projects.

L

Three meal dates in 24 hours...damn, girl.
Excited for sparklers.
And babies/friends at swimming pools. And AND practicing motherhood on Nicholas next week. Maybe we will bake cookies. I wish he had gotten that trampoline so we could jump our guts out!
Closed first floor windows...less afraid that my flat screen TV will be stolen than of some misguided attempt. At, what exactly? Contemplating arming myself (figuratively...I'm non-violent), but also unwilling to dignify said vague attempts with any type of response.
And Nieman & my latest thing is "I like your beard" (thank you, Ke$ha). And somehow even that is a goofy toof reminder.

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in...postal service style.
Postal Service reminds me of winter 2003. Sad. Cool. Gray.

One of these times when I' punched in the gut, I'll get myself a sweet six pack to guard the blow, ORRR my guts will rupture, spew enzymes, and I'll die.
L